Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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