Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
