Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
