M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
