Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
