that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
