Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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