Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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