I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
