I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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