omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i was born a porn star she said
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
