If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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