i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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