I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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