I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
