i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
