I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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