She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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