he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
