i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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