I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
