Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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