Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
