I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
