Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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