yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Randomize
