Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
