Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
