Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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