I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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