it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
