Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Buhtt sex?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
