you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
