You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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