I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
