Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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