ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
