its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
