we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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