She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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