Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize