so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
