My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize