your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
