and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
try to milk me bitch
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize