She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
When are your genitals available?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
