Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
