its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Can you bring me the toilet please
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
