4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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