The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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