They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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