That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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