she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
