If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
