It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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