You really coming over, don't trick.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
