she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
