matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
