I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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