Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize