How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
