I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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