Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
