I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
