it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
