I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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