Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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