I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
