May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
