bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
