her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
