aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
