I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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