you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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