I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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