Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
