I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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