i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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