then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
