You just made me feel so damn special
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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