allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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