i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
